Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

Someone asked my why I didn't believe the saying "Distance (or absence) makes the heart grow fonder." I'll tell you! People think that time apart will make you miss the other person, whether that person is your partner or friend. That's not entirely true. We experience the saying's untruthfulness so much in our lives yet we're still blind to it. It makes no sense, right?

There are things that make the heart grow fonder, otherwise people wouldn't start forming relationships with others. Welcome to the proximity effect. The more we see and talk to a person, the fonder we grow of them. Of course there is more to this; you don't just fall in love with a person you talk to every day. I talk to a lot of friends every day but I'm not in love with them. However, I'm a lot closer with the friends whom I speak to every day, whether it's via social media, in person, or text/phone.

Take for example the bus experiment. People who took a certain bus at the same time every day were observed. People saw each other every day, even if it was just that, seeing the person. There wasn't much communication between people and most didn't have a relationship outside of being bus-mates (is that a term? It is now!), yet when one of them didn't show up, that person was actually missed by the others. All because everyone on the bus saw that individual every single day.

  

Now, if a person can be missed just because he/she is simply seen every day, imagine how much we'd miss a person whom we interact with every single day. A person we text, call, ride bikes, walk, run, hug, etc. with. We'd really miss that person.

However, after a few days of the bus person not showing up, the others missed the individual less, and eventually didn't miss him/her. Distance didn't make the heart grow fonder at all. Distance made that person out of sight, therefore out of mind.

Obviously the "out of sight, out of mind" would take longer than a few days to happen with a person we have a more personal relationship with than just being bus-mates (we're going to make this term happen, people!), but it's still the same logic behind it. Eventually, the distance will make the person go out of your mind. Ever been friends with someone serving in the military? A lot of them lose their significant other due to the distance (but that's a deeper issue than simple proximity).

We're social creatures. We need interaction, whether it's emotional, mental, or physical. However, if you have a spouse that has to be gone for weeks or months at a time (think military), then that's something you have to work out with your spouse. It's more than doable, you just have to be willing to work at it.

Exposure also eventually leads to someone's "true colors." Sometimes you meet someone, they're extremely nice, treat you like a gem, and, six months later, you realize that the person puts batshit in batshit crazy.

Crap.

That exposure eventually leads to you not liking that person, therefore breaking off whatever relationship you have with him/her. Remember, this works in any type of relationship, though a lot of studies have been done in the proximity exposure of love. It's as if psychologists are trying to figure out why our common sense leaves us when we meet someone we fancy.

Without exposure, we never know. Even if it's simple good morning or good night texts, or a hello, movie nights, going out to a beer tavern, or walking around downtown, it's a matter of knowing if you can get along with the person, whether it's romantic or platonic, and you can't get to know a person unless you're frequently exposed to them.

This, of course, is all in Lamen's terms. Nothing is this simple. Just being exposed to someone isn't going to make you hate or love them; it's just the start of a something much deeper than a kiddy pool.