Saturday, November 30, 2013

Friends

There comes a time when you have to weed people out of your life. It happens at different stages of life. We either outgrow people or something happens that makes us hate that bitch a whole bunch. Most of us don't keep contact with our grade school friends, either because we moved or because we outgrew them or because they took our favorite toy or told your mom that you were eating mud and got you in trouble. Fuck that kid.



We get new friends when we're teenagers, and because we're hormonal little shits, we fight and sometimes those friendships can't be fixed. Then we become young adults and make a lot of mistakes. After the quarter-life crisis (oh, if you think we don't have one, you're dead wrong), you start making big life decisions. It sucks, but it has to be done. You are, after all, supposed to be responsible or something at that age. So, you start to make new friendships. Professional friendships. Friendships and relationships that are supposed to help you along, whether it's emotional or for when you need a night out, or for companionship... something. But some go wrong, and you have to learn when to weed those friendships out like an adult.

I've started to weed out a lot of people. Some because I've outgrown the friendships, some because they're complete and total douchebags so I don't want to deal with them, and others because they just suck as people. Most of the time, I get rid of these people because I simply don't want to waste the emotional energy in dealing with them. They're unpredictable people and it makes me uneasy. And here's the thing I've realized, I don't have to keep these people as friends if I don't want to. I don't. What will I lose? What will I gain? How much is it really going to affect me? If the answer to all of these questions is "not much," then what the fuck?

Here are the people I've recently been weeding out:

  • The Seasonal Friend
We all have this kind of friend. They talk to you like you're their best friend in the whole damn world, text you and call you often, like every status and picture on your Facebook and Instagram and whatever the fuck else social media you two are connected on. You constantly do favors for this person, help here and help there. Then suddenly, nothing. They're just gone. It's like they disappeared into thin air for weeks or even months. And then you get this text... because they need something. After months and months of not even acknowledging you, you're once again their best friend because they need a favor, however small it may be. I say FUCK YOU now.  
 

  • The Client
This is the person who is always depressed and always seeking advice. It's never just a conversation to talk about stuff, it's always stuff about them. But not just stuff about them, depressing stuff or seeking advice stuff. You say something not about them, and they seem to turn it into their issue. You can't get a word of positivity in because they just bring down the mood with their issues. You're their play, zero-profit therapist. And I guess this is my fault for getting a degree in Psychology. My excuse now is that I'm now pursuing a career as a Master at Arms in the Navy. SRY I WON'T BE YO' SHRINK NO MO'.  

  • The gossip
Yeah, okay, I'll admit that I enjoy hearing gossip. As long as it's not about me, I don't care. (Shut up, you like gossip, too.) I hear gossip from a lot of friends. Some are just harmless stories, others are not so harmless and kind of hurtful rumors in the ears of the wrong person. Most people know that I keep that shit to myself, say "yup," and don't really provide much feedback even though I'm dying on the inside and want to say something, so I re-tell these stories to my dog and horse, but then I just look crazy... I mean, even the dog and the horse are looking at me like I'm crazy.  I don't trust the cat so she's out of the gossip circle. Uh, anyway... then one day while I was all mopey and probably watching Spongebob Squarepants, I realized, "Shit... if these friends are saying that shit to me about other people, what are they saying about me?" Why the paranoia? Because I see the way The Gossip interacts with the people he/she gossips about. The Gossip is extremely nice to people when in face-to-face contact. Once the victim leaves, The Gossip unleashes and says a whole lot of not so awesome things. I shit you not, it's like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type change and it creeps me out. I realized that I'm not very comfortable around The Gossip, and while I enjoy the entertainment, I don't have the energy to be lied about. GO AWAY, I say. 

 

  • The Partier
The Boozer, The Drinker. I just don't have the energy or the patience to deal with that sort of friend. I have a huge career goal in mind and I just don't have the energy or the balls to do something stupid and ruin my career. So, NO STUPID FUN FOR ME.

  • The Joker
Nothing is ever serious. You can't have an actual conversation. Even if you tell them that your most beloved pet died, they'll make it into a joke. I can't and won't even try anymore.
I know, you're probably all going, "Well, this is passive-aggressive." The thing is, there's nothing passive about my aggressiveness. Most of the friends I've listed are out of my life... The rest, which are minimal, are in the process of getting weeded out. 

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