Because English-ing Is Hard

Everyone has always said that English is one of the hardest languages to learn. I highly disagree. I thought it was extremely easy. I "mastered" the language and got rid of my accent in two years (accent comes out the more I drink). Grammar isn't hard, English isn't hard. It's not hard. So it baffles me when native English speakers A) Suck at their own language and B) Ask me to tutor them.

Oh yes, you read that correctly. People who have been speaking English their entire lives have asked me, an ESL, to teach them how to properly English.

I know English is not a verb, but with the ways some native speakers use the language, it might as well be.

Here are a few lessons

You're and Your

A lot of people have problems with this one. I don't know why. It's not hard. If you're trying to describe someone, are at a place, etc., then, for the love of Hey-sus and all that is holy, use "you're." If you're still confused, then say the whole sentence. Don't even try to use your/you're. Use "you are." If you can say "you are," then you're safe to use "you're." Anytime you can say "you are," you can write "you're." Make sense? It should, because that's super Lamen's terms right there. 

"Your" is possessive. Most people don't own pretty or blue or pink. I mean, I'd like to think I own pretty, but I don't. You can't say, "your pretty," because no one owns pretty. It's "you're pretty/funny/awesome." 

Use "your" when you're saying, "Dude, your dog just bit my leg," or "your bike is pretty awesome." 

"There is a moment of victory when you realize you're your group's best speller, even though you're your group's token foreign kid." That, right there, is awesome grammar. 

Too and To

If you don't know when to use too/to, just think, "If I can say 'as well' or if something is of abundance, then I must use 'too.'" As in, "there is no such thing as too many bikes" or "that person sucks at grammar, too." 

I have a coping mechanism for this one, though. Every time a person uses "to" instead of "too," I always think that they're going to a place. For example, if someone writes to me, "Oh yeah, I had to much coffee," I always imagine that person going to a town called Much Coffee. In my head, I just see someone saying, "Onward to Much Coffee!!!"

If you confuse either too or to with two, then you need to go away. 

They're, There, and Their

They're is "they are." Just like "you're," if you can say "they are," then you're safe to use "they're." 

Think of "there" as more of a physical way of using it, such as being at a place ("over there") or how much of something you have ("there are five puppies"). 

Their is much like "your." They effin' own it. Own. It. "Their pony just pooped on my garden because I have shitty grammar. Even a pony has better grammar than me." (Every single pun has been intended.)

A Lot

I'm not even going to try to be cute or funny with this one. A lot is two fucking words, okay? It's not alot, allot, alaut (seriously!?) or anything of the sort. Seriously, people. It's two damn words. Always has, always will be. I promise that "a lot" didn't get changed into two words by some asshole just to fuck with you. It's always been two words. Two. You never say abunch, alittle, or afew. Nope. You say "a bunch," "a little," or "a few." It's simple. It's two words. Stop being an asshole and use "a lot" properly. 

Every coping mechanism has failed for this one. 

English is Hard :(

I understand that I'm very picky about grammar, but dammit, if I learned how to speak the language at 12-years-old, a native speaker should have a firmer grasp than me on grammar/spelling. That's not the case. It seems that people who are ESL know more about the language, history, and geography of this country. Get your shit together, guys!

I'm probably writing this entry because I kind of have a writer's block and I need some material to write about. I should ask people what I ought to write about next. Plus, I can draw pictures. 

Now, go study your English and quit sucking at grammar. 

Watts

Training with power has to be one of the most frustrating things ever. I look down at my Garmin and numbers are jumping all over the place. The first time I rode with the power meter was extremely distracting. I kept staring at the numbers, which was a bad thing because I was riding around Lake Tahoe. The jumping around made me go "wtf?" so I had to ask one of my buddies, a very experienced rider who knows what the hell he's doing and has trained with power, what the hell was going on.

Here are the main reasons why I get very frustrated:
1) I keep fucking up my zones because, apparently, I forgot how to math.
2) Numbers are jumping all over the place.
3) I don't have the attention span to keep focused on a zone.

I've wondered how my coach deals with me. The simple fact that he can deal with an athlete with the attention span of a humming bird on crack is amazing. Add the fact that he actually helped me achieve my goals for the year. All of them. I think he deserves a medal.

The most frustrating part it probably having to keep the focus to stick to a zone. Since I'm in base miles right now, I'm mostly riding at endurance pace. I basically have to go faster on the flats and slower on the hills to keep my watts in the correct zone. Basically, I'm riding the parts that I'm better at (flats) faster and getting them over with at a quicker pace and staying on what I hate (hills) for longer, just suffering. Forever. Or until the hill is over, but it feels like forever. Plus a half.

As of right now, I'm not sure how much training with power will benefit me over not training with power. I've only done base miles with it. I'll admit that I'm pretty excited to see the numbers that my sprint puts out. My coach says it'll help a bunch, so I'll have to trust him.